GUYS SHUT UP! OK so I was thinking about Nirvana after a video of theirs popped up on my youtube sidebar. I listened to a few songs and realized that ‘Bleach’ is the only album that’s any good and holds up after the sands of time ripped apart Nevermind by forcing it into our ears through the parasitic host of every fucking band on early 2000s radio. ANYWAY I started listening to ‘Heart Shaped Box’ and thought ‘what the fuck is this? It makes no sense and is boring and just two chords’. THEN IT HIT ME, ‘In Utero’ is a master-class in sarcasm. Don’t get me wrong, the album sucks and you shouldn’t listen to it, BUT I did because I wanted to test my theory that this is Cobain taking the piss out of mainstream music.
First off I think they tricked themselves into thinking they wanted a great album in a style they liked and hired Steve Albini to produce. Then Kurt decided fuck that, I hate everything around me including this fucking band and I can’t stop it so I’m going to sabotage it. They booted Albini (throwing him under the bus after critics realized it sucked) and Kurt went full sarcasm-fuck-you-everybody-is-stupid mode. So to test this thing I listened to every song (it’s a Tuesday night so shut up and my shoulder is fucked):
- “Serve the Servants”: First note is intentionally out of tune and is returned to throughout, it’s clean as shit (despite being a ‘hard rocking’ tune on this), lyrics are a combination of confused, embarrassing teen style politics and complaining about your parents. Solo is lazy and pointless (referring to my taking the piss theory)
- “Scentless Apprentice”-boring chugga chugga riff; alternative title they worked with was ‘Chuck Chuck Fo Fuck’ showing that they did not care much for the riff by mocking it. Lyrics telling you to go away with confused imagery about a baby and then whining about your job, basically calling all his fans babies that like shitty chugga music.
- “Heart-Shaped Box”: The one that was on guitar hero and is home to the most lazy guitar ‘composing’ this side of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. This one sparked the flame of the sarcasm theory because the tone of the entire song is sarcastic, the chorus is an easy place to start. Lyrics make no sense in the Anthony Keidis (see how this song sucks, it could be by the RHCP!) mold of just saying things that sound emotional. Also, a note on the video, it seems as though the band said do whatever but just shoot it in a day, so there’s ol’ Kurt up there in front of a green screen and then sitting in a chair looking bored, MAKE IT OUT TO CASH PLEASE, HORSE DON’T TAKE NO PLASTIC!
- “Rape Me”: I like this one because it’s so obviously an intentional fuck you song to all the dickheads that liked this band in their heyday and whom Kurt so openly despised. The riff is an inverted Smells Like Teen Spirit to trick people when played live and then he gets the meatheads to scream RAPE ME. There is no way this song is political, it’s just a strange gross out fuck you sarcasm vehicle, and for that I salute Cobain’s memory, even if it’s now forming a Jackson Pollock painting on his garage door.
- “Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle”: Here’s some song with a long dumb title that was detritus to our earlier output. It’s slow with lazy feedback and includes another derivative solo (you fucks liked Smells Like right? well keep eating it morons). The lyrics were taken from a 14 year old’s notebook that Kurt traded a bag of weed for ‘I miss the comfort of being sad’ indeed.
- “Dumb”: the one song on here that throws a wrench into my theory because it’s good. Lyrics could be considered juvenile but they’re the most sincere thing on this album. There’s an actual bridge that shifts back into a nice riff that guides the entire song. I give dumb a thumbs up. Onward, friends.
- “Very Ape”: super lazy lyrics that make no sense but if you strain your eyes to read the tea leaves you can see it’s about how fame kinda sucks and how you should probably leave him alone. Ends sharply because fuck this album needs another track I guess.
- “Milk It”: I’M GOING CRAZY EVERYBODY BECAUSE I AM KURT COBAIN AND I ENJOY DRUGS BUT MY BRAIN IS WACKY. OK this is the one to scare the squares right! not really, loud part and soft part with token ‘I’m going crazy’ lame lyrics Disturbed would later come to annoy us all with. Kurt Cobain: the original uh wa wa wa wa wa guy (down with the sickness reference dum dums). This fits into the sarcasm theory with I’ll write whatever lyrics, squeeze it into a rock radio format, length and tone and you shits will think you have feelings that are unique to the Nirvana experience, whatever let’s finish this fuckin album because ugh this band.
- “Pennyroyal Tea”: I’M FAMOUS AND IT SUCKS AND CELEBRITY IS BAD FOR YOU. Way to go, you just wrote every G’N'R song after appetite except whinier. Loud and soft yet again, quite the template you’ve found (his favorite powerpoint one was sunrise), but hey, he doesn’t care because this is being sold in a mall so whatever. Suck it.
- “Radio Friendly Unit Shifter”: OK the title plays into my hand but this thing could have been on the radio (soft loud bits and the feedback is not very abrasive) so kind of a double irony by that slick Cobainer. Lyrics might win the lazy award for this album and asking his dumb fans to identify with his ‘acne’ and that he ‘thinks’. Bold, fresh and very sarcastic.
- “tourette’s”: Rhyming is stupid so whatever I’ll just kinda screech this and it’ll be done in two minutes and every line will end in heart, it’s what you saps want, feel different at school without actually being different at all, it’s win win.
- “All Apologies”: It’s like he’s apologizing to decent people for this album BUH-ZING NO ONE EVER MADE THAT JOKE BEFORE I’M SMART. Loud quiet because of course. Lyrics are about what his dumbass new fans are like, and I hate to break it to you people that identify with it from the singer’s point of view, it’s actually about you. You’re stupid and Kurt wants you to feel stupid for buying this cd (it was probably purchased as a CD, good god what a shitty format from it scratching and fucking up easily to the jewel case breaking instantly to the booklet being printed in such tiny print; at least tapes were durable). Ends it on quite a sarcastic note.
Well there you have it, a masterpiece of sarcasm made by a man that didn’t care anymore and two other guys that liked a consistent source of income, drugs and pussy. Listen to Bleach, that album is still good.